"Breaking Through - when relative truth becomes visible
Breaking free from mental noise
Understanding Limiting Beliefs and Their Impact
“There is nothing more confining than the prison we don’t know we are in. ”
There is nothing quite as convincing as a belief we don't know is a belief.
Once something has travelled with us for long enough, gathering experience and evidence along the way, it can stop feeling like an interpretation of reality and simply become reality. I'm not enough. There isn't enough. People like me don't do that. Money is difficult. Being seen isn't safe. Love requires me to give myself away. I couldn't possibly. That's just who I am.
Sometimes we don't even hear the words anymore. The belief has become part of the background hum, quietly participating in what we perceive, how we feel, the choices that appear available and the life we subsequently experience.
I think of these as relative truths.
They are not necessarily silly ideas we somehow picked up and now need to eliminate. Many of them made complete sense within the environments in which they formed. They may have arisen through experience, family, culture, relationships, things projected onto us, conclusions we made when we were young, or circumstances in which a particular way of seeing ourselves and the world helped us belong, protect ourselves or simply make sense of what was happening.
The relative truth can become woven into the organisation of the person until we are no longer simply thinking it. We are perceiving through it. This is why I've become less interested in the idea of “getting rid of limiting beliefs.” It is very easy to turn the belief into another thing that is wrong with us, another pesky piece of conditioning standing between us and the glorious expanded human we're supposed to become.
I'd rather get curious.
If something keeps appearing in our lives, a familiar relationship dynamic, a financial ceiling, a contraction around visibility, the inability to receive, a repeating emotional response, a place where we continually retreat despite consciously wanting to move forward, there is information there.
A question I use often in this work is:
What would I have to believe to be true for this experience or response to make complete sense?
It is a beautifully revealing question because it doesn't begin by assuming that our response is irrational. For a moment, we allow that there may be an internal logic to what is happening.
If being visible has become associated with rejection, of course some part of the organism may contract when visibility arrives. If receiving became tangled with obligation, consciously wanting abundance doesn't necessarily mean the whole instrument experiences receiving as safe or desirable. If love became associated with keeping everybody happy, saying no can carry far more energetic weight than the two letters would suggest.
Within that particular organisation of reality, the response makes sense. Once a belief begins to reveal itself, I like to play with the word true.
Is it true?
If the immediate answer is yes, and often it is, I become interested in the evidence. What experiences tell me this is true? Where have I seen it? How has life confirmed it?
Then I turn the lens slightly.
Have there ever been experiences in my life where this has not been true?
Even one?
Has there been a person, moment, relationship, opportunity or experience that doesn't quite fit inside the belief?
If there has, something interesting happens. We don't need to declare the belief false, but we can no longer hold it quite so easily as an absolute truth.
Then we can widen the lens again. Is this true for everyone? Does every human being experience this reality in the same way? If someone else can experience something differently, then what we are holding cannot be universally true.
It may still be very true for us. and that distinction is enormous.
Our lived experience doesn't suddenly become invalid because somebody else has had a different one. If someone has repeatedly experienced rejection, scarcity, abandonment, betrayal or not being heard, telling them “that's only a belief” completely misses the point. Those experiences happened. What we are exploring is the meaning that became organised around them and whether that meaning has subsequently become a lens through which future experiences are perceived.
Now we can ask something slightly different:
What would I have to believe for this to be relatively true for me? This is often where we begin travelling beneath the surface story. People always leave may reveal something closer to I'm not worth staying for. There's never enough money may open an entirely different conversation about safety, receiving, deserving, family history or what we learned was possible for people like us. I can't speak in front of people may have remarkably little to do with speaking and quite a lot to do with what being visible has come to mean within the instrument.
Once we discover the belief, we don't need to race off and replace it with a shinier one.
This is where some approaches to beliefs have never quite satisfied me. We can discover I am not enough, dutifully replace it with I am enough, repeat it every morning while brushing our teeth and still find that the body has apparently not received the memo. Because the organisation may not exist in words alone.
A belief can have a physical life, an emotional life, an energetic tone. It can participate in where attention goes and what we notice. It can influence the images we create, the possibilities we dismiss, the people we choose, what we expect from them and how we interpret their behaviour. This is where we put our skin in the game.
Rather than only asking what we believe, we can become curious about what believing it feels like.
Where does it live in the body? What happens to breath? Does something contract, rise, become heavy, numb, charged or restless? Is there an image? A memory? An impulse to move? Does the body want to pull backwards, push forwards, disappear, protect, speak, cry, run?
We don't have to decide immediately what any of it means. Sometimes the intelligence of the experience becomes clearer when we resist the urge to explain it too quickly. The body might reveal something the story hasn't.
An emotion can arrive that wasn't expected. An image appears. Breath changes. A sentence comes out of our mouth and suddenly we actually hear what we've been saying for years. Something previously fused into this is just who I am becomes visible as a pattern within the instrument, and that visibility changes our relationship with it.
This is where consciousness becomes very practical for me. We have this extraordinary capacity to become aware of what has been operating through us. Something that was once the lens through which we looked becomes something we are now capable of looking at, feeling and entering into relationship with. There is often momentum already moving within the pattern by the time we become aware of it.
This is where emotional maturation becomes particularly interesting.
Something happens and energy moves. We feel the charge, contraction, heat, fear, anger, agitation, grief or whatever form the experience is taking. Historically that momentum may have had a very familiar destination: withdraw, attack, please, freeze, hide, overperform, control, abandon the idea, silence ourselves. The momentum and its expression have become so familiar to one another that they can appear to be the same thing.
They aren't necessarily.
When we can connect to the momentum of the energy in its isness, without immediately suppressing it, naming it into a fixed story or allowing the old reflex to decide where it must go, another possibility becomes experientially available.
We can move with it.
We can breathe actively with it.
We can give it sound.
We can bring attention directly into its movement and allow attention to meet intention.
We can discover what happens when the same energetic momentum is given another pathway through the instrument.
This isn't about turning anger into love because love is spiritually superior, or convincing ourselves that fear is secretly joy. The raw experience deserves more respect than that. What we're developing is the emotional maturity and internal capacity to remain with the movement long enough to discover its intelligence.
Anger may contain power, clarity or the impulse for a boundary. Fear can contain an extraordinary amount of life and activation. A contraction around visibility may be carrying a younger intelligence that once understood hiding as protection. Grief can move through breath, sound or the body and reveal something that thinking about grief never touched.
The energy itself becomes material.
This is where the metaphor of alchemy becomes very tangible.
Steel to gold.
Not because steel was wrong.
Not because gold is “higher.”
The alchemy is in discovering that the raw material we thought could only express itself in one form contains other possibilities when awareness, movement, breath, attention and intention participate. This isn't something reserved for a particularly evolved few. It is an experiential availability of the human instrument. We already have the apparatus. We feel, perceive, move, breathe, imagine, direct attention, create meaning and express. The practice is developing a more conscious relationship with those capacities.
This is also why intellectual understanding remains important but isn't the whole story. We can understand a belief beautifully and still be living it. When understanding begins to move through sensation, emotion, energetic experience, behaviour and relationship, something else starts to happen.
It marinates and the development when it eventually appears in life.
Someone who has spent years understanding why they don't speak begins to use their voice without having to perform courage first. A person notices that the relationship dynamic that once swallowed them whole is happening again, but this time they remain connected to themselves inside it. An opportunity appears and the familiar contraction is still there, yet it no longer automatically means no. Creativity that has been held behind an old relative truth starts finding form.
This is where the experiential development becomes form. The old pattern may still exist. We don't need to ceremonially evict it from the psyche. But it is no longer the only reality available and it most definitely moves from a reflex to a choosing and hat changes what we can perceive.
Our beliefs participate in the images we project into life. If we are organised around an expectation of rejection, rejection may become particularly easy to see. If our internal architecture says there isn't enough, we may continually interpret the world through lack. What we hold as true influences what receives our attention, and what receives our attention influences how we respond. Our responses then participate in what happens next, and what happens next can conveniently become more evidence for what we believed in the first place.
Round and round we go. A relative truth can become a remarkably convincing reality when we've been helping to reproduce its evidence for years. This isn't blame. It is where response-ability begins to become exciting.
If awareness allows us to perceive the loop, then we have somewhere new to stand within it. We can recognise what has shaped us while also becoming curious about what else is available now and perhaps this is where my understanding of “breaking through” has changed.
I don't imagine us smashing through the walls of our conditioning anymore. There is something unnecessarily violent about trying to destroy architecture that may once have been constructed with considerable intelligence.Sometimes breaking through is much closer to seeing through and sensing new ways.
We see the relative truth. We discover what made it true for us. We recognise how it has organised itself through body, mind, emotion, nervous-system response, energetic movement and perception. We meet its momentum and somewhere within that meeting, the wall we thought was reality becomes something we can see. There is space around it. From there, something fresh has an opportunity to emerge rather than simply being prescribed by what happened yesterday.
This is where I experience our innate nature entering the conversation. Not as a perfect self hiding underneath all our messy conditioning, but as a deeper coherence carrying qualities of love, freedom, beauty, creativity, connection, curiosity and expression. As less of the instrument is occupied reproducing old relative truths, more of these qualities seem able to find form through the particular human being living the experience.
Our projection changes because the perceiver is changing. We see another possibility and, importantly, we can begin to experience another possibility. That distinction matters. Freedom isn't simply knowing that the wall isn't universally true. Freedom begins to become tangible when the organism discovers there is somewhere else it can move and once we've experienced that, even briefly, the old prison is never quite as invisible again.